Do you often feel like I do? That you are constantly correcting your children? It is so easy, even for the best of parents, to always say phrases like, “Stop it. Leave her alone! Be quiet. Don’t do that. DO this. Eat your food. CLEAN YOUR ROOM NOW!”
Good parents understand that they will have to discipline their children when necessary. Some children seem to need more direction and encouragement than others. In our home, it seems like I spend a large proportion of my time leading and directing children. And all these needed corrections can be overwhelming for “active” or “exploring” children. At the end of the day, it can feel disheartening for mom or dad also!
So to alleviate that feeling that we were always finding fault in our children we introduced the “doing-good rock” into our home. We now actively seek to “catch our children doing good.” When we “catch them” doing something good or kind we comment on it and then give them a small rock. After they have received 7 rocks they can then claim a prize from the prize bin. The prizes do not have to be extravagant. Age and gender appropriate, however, is a must. For our 3 boys we have items such as sports cards, small action figures, candy, gum (for my gum-loving youngest son) or itunes gift cards for our teen.
Knowing your child’s love language can also be helpful when choosing prizes. My middle son does get as excited about gifts as he does for chances to spend quality relational time. So for him we added 3 x 5 cards that read, “one extra 30 min to stay up on a week night”, or an “Ice Cream treat at Baskin Robbins with Dad or Mom”, or “play a game of your choice with mom and dad.”
The rule of the rock is that once it is given it can never be taken back except to be traded for a prize. Just like a good compliment, it will always stay with your son or daughter. Too often we wish we could take back our negative conversation. Let the doing-good rock plan build a positive bridge between you and your child. Everyone knows that it just feels good to be complimented on our good behavior.